The Call That Changed our lives

On the 9th of January at about 3am we received the call that no parent EVER wants to receive. Dakota had died. We were in Cape Town at the time. When I think about THE CALL it still sickens me to my stomach. I still feel a little nauseous and sad. (Dakota had died on the 8th, but with the time difference, 6pm in Nanaimo, was 3am in Cape Town.)

I awoke to the intrusive ringing of my cell phone ringing. It was my brother Bruce in Vancouver. I told him it was about 3 am with us, and that we would call him later. (He has always had a flat earth mentality, and does not consider the time when he is calling anyone, and I thought this was one of those times.) He said it was important and wanted to speak to Charles. He was so insistent that I woke Charles up and gave him the phone.

Charles threw the phone when he received the news and said to me, "Erin, don't scream, but Dakota is dead."

and there were other guests on the property. I was stunned and could not scream, I was dumbfounded with shock. I just fell to my knees and straight away just said, "Thank you God for how long I had Dakota." Even now it hurts me so much, just thinking about my loss. I always say, this is no journey any mom should have to take.

Charles immediately got dressed and asked me if I wanted to go for a walk. I could not. He left and I was alone to sob and mourn our beautiful Dakota on my own. I lost touch with both space and time. I felt I was floating and needed to get some fresh air and walk. It was still dark and I thought I would go and look for Charles, instinctively I went to the beach and walked, lamenting my horrific loss. I don't know how long I walked for, and eventually found my husband. The sun had risen, to another beautiful day in the Mother City which was so strange and unfathomable that our world had been shattered and yet the sun still rose . There was a rainbow over the sea, even though it was a sunny day, I took it as a sign from Dakota and God that everything would be okay.

Nothing seemed right, but I have always been a firm believer that when it's your time it's your time. I have always told my children that, and know that we will die when we are meant to.

I have had to accept and learn to live with this loss. It is like walking around with a huge hole in my chest. The "scab" is thickening as I take time and care to heal myself. My world has changed, and so have I. I get to see glimpses of the world in colour again and know that grief and joy can coexist side by side.

I have an early bird special for my retreat.

This is a lifelong journey we are on. Connect with your tribe.

If you are looking for healing, you may want to join me on my retreat in October, we can work on our healing together, to lift our energetic vibe.