DO WE HAVE TO PUT YOU ON SUICIDE WATCH?

This was the question that my yoga mentor asked me. He looked anxious and concerned as did everyone in the room. His eyes conveyed the anxiety I heard in his voice.

I had just told him how I had idealized suicide and had a plan to take mine and my husband's lives not long after Dakota died. We were in such immense pain, and the only way that seemed out was to un-alive ourselves.

I know there are so many of us moms who feel this way. Its a subject that often goes un spoken. Only another grieving mom can understand this line of thought.

IF YOU ARE HAVING ANY OF THESE FEELINGS PLEASE SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP.

In Canada Call 1.833.456.4566. or text 45645

In the US Call 988

Thank goodness for my husband, who did not try to fight me on my decision, or book me into the psych ward, he agreed with all I said, and then gently said, "what about our other girls? We can't leave them here with no parents." My mind and heart raced, he was right. We made a pact and agreed to help each other through the darkness, lean on each other and to stay until the natural end of our lives.

I started actively working on my grief so that I could go through it. I finished the Yoga Teacher Training Dakota and I had started together in Playa del Carmen in Mexico, and gathered all the tools I could to help me. (Lots of talk therapy with trained medical professionals.)

I can say that I still have griefy days, but they are fewer as time goes by. I sit with my grief, and feel it. You have to feel it to heal it, as the saying goes. It is important to me to share my story of hope and healing. I love receiving affirmations that what I have shared has helped somebody.

Here is a link to the facebook group I started for Grieving moms. Feel free to join us, or subscribe to my newsletter.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1787032171500882

I have so much to be thankful for, life is precious and I choose to live in the light of Dakota's life, rather than the shadow of her death. I thank God daily that I had her for as long as we did. (The first words I said when I received the horrific phone call, was Thank you God that we had Dakota for as long as we did). I am still incredulous that those words came out of my mouth.)

Life is good and I do my best to enjoy each day.

If you want to join me in Mexico for what I plan to be the 1st of my annual retreats. See below.

https://intentionalhealingretreats.com